Spiders Catch Flies, Not Hawkes
by anesor
Summary: DA2, Act 3.  F!Hawke is weary of being an apostate in Kirkwall, even with the support of her friends.  The quiet after fighting the Qun has passed, and it seems everyone needs some kind of help even with hunting assassins.  Ch2: What about that lie again?
1. Danger and Truths

_**- x x -**_

**Sundermount and Caves**

**Halan Hawke:**

It had been a gray and cold journey outside Kirkwall for two missions. We were a different group than for the haunting at Bartrand's mansion the other night, and we'd checked on Aveline's patrol the same night too. Varric was in a foul mood and Aveline had duties after those events. Fenris was still in a snit or maybe drunk, I ceased to care as much after too many insults to my family and I, without apology or change. Sebastian said nearly as many rude things about mages, so no visiting the Dalish Keeper with him along.

Isabela was more fun. She was the only one of us in a good mood while we looked for an assassin, poking each of us in turn with our betting skills, our drinking capacity, and our sexual preferences. Or our abilities to do all of those at once.

Merrill, who knew this terrain the best, either answered earnestly or counter questioned to understand exactly what Isabela meant.

Anders was just plain irritated, and was cutting in his answers to Isabela's provocations.

I was irritated too, as I hadn't really had the time to feel rested before we left Kirkwall. I wasn't sure if Isabela was doing this needling because she was annoyed at Anders' nagging about mages, she wished Fenris was here, or she just wanted to remind me Anders could be an arse even if she hadn't wanted anything permanent with me.

Isabela got tired of annoying Anders after a while and moved on to her next target, and I got to hoping we'd get ambushed by some more tainted spiders. Even a dragonling would be better company right now.

When the standing stones outside the Dalish camp were in sight, I called for a rest. While there wouldn't be any Templars there waiting for us, I wanted to make sure I had cleared my mind before meeting Keeper Marethari again. She bothered me more than Merrill's blood magic sometimes.

Sitting on a large piece of ancient rubble, I was almost surprised when Anders came over to sit close. We hadn't really argued about anything lately, but he wanted me to hurry with helping him to sooner find those potion ingredients. Justice hadn't been that restive lately, I hadn't seen him since he'd hurt Ella.

_When Justice came out, it was like lightning was coming out of his pores. His arrival was like a large stone falling into a small puddle, and there was almost a faint breeze of mana coming from him. That was delicious after a battle, but then he lost his temper, accusing the frightened gel making her even more scared, proving that he was as dangerous as a demon. She was so scared. He saw her fear, and acted to stop her threat._

_Anders screamed in anguish and ran off, I revived the girl and healed her, muttering a curse while the other two stared. I wasn't as fast as he was to heal during a fight, but my father had taught me the basics before the Blight. Ella accepted that she'd passed out from a late found trap and I'd sent her on her way to Varric and the one contact I knew would help her, Selby. I didn't want a second mage we'd rescued, recaptured like Grace. Being free of the Circles would cost her far more than missing her family, and I doubted her family would give up anything to support her. Maybe she'd grow up once outside the hothouse._

_Anders was fully distraught when I got back to his clinic to check on him, and only calmed when I told him that the silly girl had survived and should have reached Selby now under Varric's escort. I didn't tell him that I nearly slapped her for being so foolish. _

_When Anders fell back to sit on an empty cot, his hands shook as he tried to read the evidence that the Templars and Divine were not approving of Aldrik's mad plan. I tucked him in, and set my mabari to watch over him. I could easily take care of his patients today, though it took longer for me as they got tongue-tied that the Champion was healing them. When he woke he sleepily tried to put out milk for cats I'd never seen down in Darktown. We finally talked and hurried back to the estate with foolish smiles in our eyes. That was the last time I'd seen any real sign of Justice, almost five years ago._

_We'd lived quietly enough, once the mess after I beat the Arishok was over. I couldn't quite stay in my old mercenary armor and pretend publicly that I wasn't a mage because I didn't wear robes. No, I couldn't pretend that as it felt like half the nobility watched me defeat the Qunari leader with my magic, even as the Viscount's head was still seeping blood on the marble._

_From their reactions, they would have made me Viscount right then, if I'd had the sense to not be born a mage. Meredith hated that, but the Grand Cleric still welcomed my open visits to the Chantry. I even tried to hide my smugness from the Templars on duty, when visiting the chantry to collect Sebastian. Anders' eyes gleamed at the joke too, even if we never spoke of it._

_Still the occasional task like tracking an assassin or reopening the quarry when another dragon arrived in the area was enough for now. I hungered to make Meredith eat her words, as __anyone__ could be corrupted, not just us mages. Look how much damage the former Teyrn of Gwaren did, that was far more than the abominations I'd ever seen. They fought stupid and had no allies. _

Even now Anders was still strong, and he worked with the Ferelden underclass and I'm sure still helped other mages. But he was at heart a healer, so I did what I did best: help others with problems they couldn't do alone and blast idiots and monsters with my pyromancy. Any assassin who was sloppy enough to catch my attention, was a more immediate threat than Justice for a few days.

Anders seemed firmly in control even at home, so we'd be in the sewers hunting shit in less than a week.

We passed through the Dalish camp. The elves pointedly ignored Merrill, while she only looked sad. I'd supported her, warily, but I don't think she understood that friendship wasn't a carrot to make her give up her dreams. I liked to talk about magic with someone who'd not been taught by the Circle, directly for Anders, or indirectly as it had been for Bethany and I.

Not far beyond the Dalish camp we checked the first cave Merrill knew of. By the time we'd explored it, the only creature left inside was a golem that didn't respond coherently to any of Isabela's sallies. The rest of us were quiet, and even our pirate was quiet by the time we reached fresh air again.

Following the path to the next cave, Anders warned, "Darkspawn!"

"Bollocks..." complained Isabela.

I only had the time to brush my lyrium potions at my belt before the creatures attacked. Calling flames from the sky while Merrill called lightning, the things scattered, fried, or just plain died from our spells. Anders yelled one of his silly battle cries, while Merrill and I just killed them.

These were much easier to face above ground than when they'd been down in the Deep Roads. When Isabela swore and I glanced in her direction to see something almost too big to be real.

"Fuck. An ogre, isn't it?" she said, sounding a little uncertain. "Well, I always like my men big..."

"Anders, help her with the ogre!" I called before pouring down a potion, trying to ignore the bitter living flavor of magic. I knew Merrill could finish the garlocks, or whatever they were.

Isabela was getting good at dodging the ogre, even laughing a couple of times before we managed to kill him. It was the last one killed, falling down with a huge thud. Cautiously, Isabela lifted a strip of remaining cloth and armor over his crotch, made a face and spat. I wasn't planning to ask.

I hadn't dodged a swipe and spent some time after the fight was over, with ringing ears from a glancing hit. Sitting on a collapsed wall, I fuzzily watched Isabela do a jig on the ogre's corpse and had to snicker.

"Hawke? Are you still hurt?" Anders asked, sounding less irritable and more like himself, cupping my cheek gently.

Smiling up at him, I put my hand over his. I really looked forward to when his potion was made. I really wanted his undivided attention, when he didn't have to be extra careful to keep Justice happy.

"Nothing too serious," I admitted, "I could fight if I had to."

"But?" he said coaxingly, kneeling between my knees, closer now because my war mage armor had breeches instead of the damn long skirts.

"I can't like that everything has gone to shit at once, ever since Orsino tried to rally people behind the mages and the Knight Commander shut it down," I said leaning forward enough to lay my head on his shoulder and put my arms around him. "She makes the ones that Dad knew sound pleasant. It's been how many years since we had this many things that needed attention? I wish you'd found that potion recipe six months ago when we'd had the time."

His arms around me, Anders turned his face into my hair, and admitted after a long moment, "It was nice then, taking a lazy day when the weather was bad and staying in bed all day.

Those were special days, days I hoped could last forever. Maybe they'd be so in two weeks.

"Hawke!" came from the direction of the dead ogre.

I looked up again, and Isabela was helping a slightly worried looking Merrill to stand up on the ogre too. After a few seconds Merrill relaxed into the jig and I had to smile at them.

Isabela waved and gestured me up, "Come on Hawke, you can kick him in the balls, too. Even blue-arse-crack should approve of that revenge."

Shaking my head and smiling, I had to say, "No, I am soooo not drunk enough."

Isabela pouted, but I got a kiss from my favorite mage instead, so I was fine.

The next thing I knew I heard Isabela's voice right by my ear say smugly, "Exploring your Deep Roads again Hawke? Need any help, Anders?"

Anders chuckled and said, "No, no. I don't need maps anymore. I've got this thaig memorized, and the other thaigs all look alike to me these days."

Both of them smirking at me, I played at smacking them both while Merrill giggled.

I was very glad she was looking better, she always looked bad if we had a mission near her clan. We'd have to find her Keeper before we returned to Kirkwall. That mirror didn't bother me too much but I was afraid she'd kill herself by doing blood magic to fix it quickly. The secrets had been lost for centuries, she didn't have to fix it this year and I doubted that a mirror was the cure for all the elves had lost that she hoped it was. We were far more likely to get into a cess pit by hurrying than being careful.

Once Isabela had rechecked the bodies for coins for her new ship, we continued down the path to one of the larger caves, looking for the reported killer. The next cave had a Varterral last time in the depths, and this time lots of spiders all the way in. They just kept coming down from the ceiling and out of tunnels too oddly shaped for us to explore. I used more potions than when we had Aveline or Fenris along for some missions. I even missed Carver's complaints.

Still we kept moving forward and we began to joke about the ways spider silk could make us a profit, to cover my nerves at least.

The last chamber we checked was the largest, and we still hadn't seen any sign of the assassin. Well that could have been because we walked right by him, but I didn't think so. When we reached the huge chamber, it looked like it had last time, with only a few bits of husks or bones.

I had the same odd rattle in my connection to the Fade I'd felt last time, just like other places reeking of old and new deaths. Even if I didn't hear anything, it was like hearing an angry snake. "I thought we killed it," I muttered in the doorway, raising a defensive spell.

"It cannot die, as long as it has something to guard..." Merrill said, sounding ever regretful these magics were lost.

That annoyed me, "So anyone, anything, that can somehow get past all the spiders, will be safe? I'll remember that the next time I bake a pie I don't want stolen before it cools."

"I believe it may only protect the ehlven, lethallan," Merrill warned. "Do you bake?"

"Still that is a very large loophole," Anders said thoughtfully. "Then again why didn't it protect the hunter when we were here before?"

Merrill looked dismayed, but only shook her head.

I carefully stepped in, with Isabela close to me. Merrill and Anders usually stayed back. At the bottom of the stairs, I felt that apprehension I felt last time and the Varterral dropped into the chamber, We attacked with our best spells while Isabela closed. I held my petrify until Merrill's expired.

I thought we were doing better this time. We had Aveline and Varric last time and I'd begum to think I'd die of old age before it dropped, Now we could keep hitting it with spells constantly, paralyzing it to give us a breather. Its spit was still noxious, and my biggest problem so far was running out of mana, emptying several vials. It was starting to slow from some of its injuries, when it thrashed out and knocked loose rocks from the roof.

Casting a spell, I almost didn't feel the warning dust in time, but I jumped back. I was knocked back by a boulder. It was taller than me, and rolled towards the base of the stairs and my shoulder felt smashed. Merrill had been knocked aside too and was standing up, but Anders wasn't moving.

Rushing closer, his neck was bent at a bad angle and I could feel from the spirits that he was nearly gone. Reaching for another mana vial, the cork was broken off, and the others were already empty.

I began to panic when I thought I saw a glow as if a wispy light seemed to rise from his body.

"No! Anders!" I screamed as Merrill cast another paralysis at the monster. I didn't have enough mana left and she couldn't help. I reached for my knife, wondering wildly if willpower and blood alone was enough to make up for my total lack of knowledge on the hated blood magic.

_**Help me to help him and other mages who are victims!**_

_Oh Maker._ I grew dizzy feeling like a gust of Fade energy wafted through me, It wasn't enough, but Anders wasn't breathing and time seemed to have stopped. Even Isabela seemed to hang almost in a midair leap.

_-You've nearly destroyed him with your impatience! _ I wanted to shout at the spirit.

_**Some things cannot wait! The tyrants, inside the Fade or here, **__**must**__** be opposed. Complacency is their weakness, it need not be yours. I can strengthen you against apathy and sloth. I can give you strength to strike against injustice.**_ A pause in even this timeless instant and he said, _**My friend can not wait much longer, this is not the time for patience.**_

My mind stuttering, I couldn't think, couldn't accept this. For some stupid assassin and a suspicious contact... Anders wasn't allowed to die for such a stupid reason. I might accept it if he'd accomplished something, but not some blasted spider. I couldn't liv...

_-Fine._

I breathed in fresh energy from the Fade, and closed my eyes against the visions and disjoint and coldly emotionless viewpoint. It was a little like the lack of feeling the Tranquil seemed, but there was a seething lava river of feeling for abuses and just consequences for doing or approving of evil. I saw sights of injustices and resulting actions spinning like the paddles of some waterwheel. Stilling my thoughts as if with a heavy mace, I carefully cast my spells of revival and healing.

As much as I felt my head would explode as I cast the spells, Anders body rose in the air briefly as the energy from the Fade returned with him for a moment. So it did work. Wearily I cast another healing, one that would aid everyone. Soon Anders stood and flatly called he was able to fight. I only nodded and shifted back to attack spells, because my head felt twice as wide and tall and about to fall off. Or maybe my skull was overstuffed like some goose, but there was a pressure like deep water giving me a headache.

Eventually, the Varterral collapsed again, and before Isabela even got the chance to look at the coins off to the side, a male elf melted out of the shadows,

Isabela knew him, well it seemed, and Anders had heard of him. That was good enough for me, I'd been hunted for no good reason my whole life, I wasn't going to do the same to others. This Nuncio set me up, and we were going to visit him now.

It seemed people lied to me all the time, I thought while gritting my teeth. I didn't like being this sure. If this Crow leader couldn't handle the cave, I was just pissed enough to return his lies to him forcefully. I let the elf go, collecting the treasure that had been gathered for or by the spider thing. I'd need it to buy more potions for this wild goose chase.

I rubbed my head discreetly all the way out.

We caught up with the Crow at a small camp and he didn't like that I hadn't any proof of the elf's death. What kind of sick ass did he think I was?

The elf showed up with even more rude words for Nuncio, and the expected fight started. These Crows weren't nearly as tough as the Varterral, and soon I kicked the corpse of Nuncio. The others had been pleased with the booty, and Isabela wandered off with this Zevran for some private booty as Anders grinned at them.

We moved further away from the Crow camp and Merrill went looking for herbs. Anders was still grinning, almost fit to burst, and I waited to make sure Merrill had gone far enough away to not hear this.

His grin faded into horror when I asked him,_** "And just how long were you going to lie to me about that damn potion, Anders?" **_

_- x x -_

_A/N: Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


	2. Safety and Lies

_**- x x -**_

**Sundermount**

**Anders:**

The bleached out sky fit my mood, and Justice's loss of patience was driving us. Not that I disagreed, or could disagree for long. We saw the same things after all. He now knew what I had seen and experienced, far more than what I'd once told him at the Vigil. Even his infatuation with nature and life had faded some with the horrors normals and Templars had done to people like us.

Hawke was keeping me busy with a sudden flurry of projects. Most of them I wanted to help with, whether due to an injustice related to our cause or they sounded interesting. The haunting in Bartrand's mansion was more interesting than any I'd read of before, and I had to see how much of that was due to the thinner veil here.

The other missions? Hawke wanted my company, and that was enough. I had once resigned myself to only unrequited affections because of Justice and how we reacted when we'd met Karl when he... That showed the folly of affection for me.

Hawke getting close to Isabela was no surprise, Halan was too serious even before Carver was lost to his Joining. But that hadn't lasted too much longer than our return after the Deep Roads. Hawke flirted with me on occasion but left me alone when I asked.

I must have been a fool, because I couldn't stand it when Halan started spending time with the damned elf months later. Her, he didn't insult like the rest of us mages in Thedas. I couldn't stand the thought of them being together, and tried to make myself indispensable for missions. I'd already gladly taught her more about healing magics so she could repair what her force magic destroyed. Something happened after the death of that Magister Hadriana that made Hawke cold, and she spent more time at my clinic again before Aldrik's death.

Not as foolish the second time, I yielded to her temptations and her care, afraid of losing her. I cannot believe we're still together, years later. Halan takes it for granted, that her parents were married and her father a mage. I still can't believe that, even with having known three members of that family.

They are the best examples of what we're fighting for, that mages don't have to be either Tranquil slaves or Magisters, they... we could marry and have families without becoming menaces. I'd almost begun to wonder if we could marry. Justice wouldn't object. He might even be approving since Kristoff had been married and a Grey Warden. The problem is that I couldn't even suggest it, with the way the Knight-Commander had shut down mages here. But I could hope.

So I went on every mission Hawke found, even on this gray day, looking for an assassin. I'd even reluctantly asked her help in getting the components we'd needed. It wasn't quite a potion that would free me from Justice, that could never happen while I lived, but if I broke the iron grip on the Gallows' Circle, maybe we could get married and just be happy for a while.

It wasn't that I disliked Isabela, I'd been like her once. I might resent that she cheered Hawke more than I sometimes, but I knew who Halan slept with. Merrill was somehow sweet, for a blood mage. I wished she'd realize she didn't need to make any mistakes like mine, to help her people.

I knew getting Hawke's help was probably a mistake, but I knew in my bones we'd find dragons when I looked for the components. As much as Justice might have once disapproved of her, even he knew that I could not defeat one of the greater dragons on our own. Blackmarsh taught him that much about this side of the Fade. Time was running out for the mages under Meredith's so-called care. So, too, was time running out for me.

Hawke had to be protected from what we had to do, and any cost.

The coming storm and its cost weighed on me. It was stupid to mourn what I was losing when it was my choice, but even Justice's constant annoyance at it couldn't prevent it. I thought I was the last free mage in the city aside from Hawke. It seemed we were the last free mages who hadn't dabbled in blood magic. I clung to her as she slept, and tried not to nag about the drakestone the way Justice wanted nor let it rest as would have been so easy.

I wasn't always succeeding at those, even if Justice hadn't manifested much over the last years. Hawke was the perfect leader for the mages: free, but practically Circle trained. Hightown hero and Champion, but not snobby, and able to heal and fight without blood magic or demons. An enemy of blood magic and demons, but willing to help any with a good cause.

Surprised at it, I felt that echo of close darkspawn from some ruins ahead of us, and called a warning. We hadn't expected them. I wasn't even sure we had a chance to find the assassin until the Dalish told us where he was waiting. Darkspawn, above ground like during a Blight, made me worry more than a single assassin.

They had to be stopped. That resolve was instant, and I was unwillingly reminded I couldn't escape the Taint. I wanted to tell Hawke to leave, but it wasn't only Justice that blocked that. Bitter necessity said she might make the difference, and now I knew why the Hero of Ferelden so often looked sad, even when we won the tough fights.

This wasn't that, thank the Maker. Hawke was stunned and maybe a little concussed, but the rest of us were fine. It took moments, even with healing, for her to recover. I sighed, seeing Isabela pull the Dalish girl up for a jig on the ogre.

While Hawke was still dazed, I had to get closer and take some comfort in giving it. My time left with her was weeks now, maybe only days. I couldn't tell her and I didn't want her blamed for what we planned.

Returning to keeping secrets from Hawke again was as impossible to bear as I once feared. I was glad I could turn her worries back to happier days, days I desperately wanted her to remember me by.

Isabela teased us and I gave it back; having been like her and now not. I wouldn't go back to that.

Then we reentered the last cave on this path and Merrill was the first to lose her good mood, remembering the Dalish youth who'd died. I didn't feel like bantering anymore either, at the silent reminder of the caves and tunnels the ingredients of our potion waited in.

Then the first of the spiders attacked. It would have been easier if one of the warriors had come. I had to use more magic to help Isabela, even if most of the spiders were more attracted by her movement than by we mages.

More spiders in the tunnels, and Hawke spun up her spell, darkly muttering when we entered the last cavern. It seemed that the Varterral couldn't really die. Perhaps it was like what I'd heard about the origins of dwarven golems, straddling the gap between living and construct. It wasn't nearly as bright.

Staying behind Hawke and Merrill, I threw shielding magic on Isabela. She lacked the armor the warriors had, which meant she was getting hurt more. Even with that and staggering some spells, it seemed like forever until we managed to hamper it, let alone disable it. Close to its death throes, it spat out that acidic goo and thrashed out, making the ground shake...

- x -

My eyes opened and I felt like I'd been dipped in molten pain. Merrill and Isabela were still fighting the Varterral, and I could feel the wet stickiness in my favorite robes. Looking at Hawke as I scrambled to my feet, I felt the magic of another spirit healer.

I could feel the spirits around us.

For the first time in years I could easily feel the spirits around me.

Within, I only felt a hollowness.

_Justice?_ I asked into that echoing, even if he rarely spoke anymore.

I heard nothing, felt nothing. And the amount of blood on my armor told me how close to dying I had been.

I wanted to shout my joy in those few seconds, but Hawke looked strained and bloody, too. Good news could wait, as she needed me to gather my magic to help finish the battle.

At the end of the battle, a male elf melted out of the shadows and we learned Nuncio's lies about this mission.

I only half listened to Isabela and the half familiar assassin, poking at the space inside me. If I had known about this, I might have done this years ago.

Hawke was angry and swept us towards the camp of Nuncio. She wasn't mollified by his words, and he lost all chance at surviving when he attacked. Zevran showed up as well and the Crow and his crew didn't last long.

Maybe they died too quickly as Halan angrily kicked the corpse, looking like she wanted to kill him again.

Once we caught our breath, we could decide what was next. Merrill wanted to collect some elfroot from a patch she knew was nearby, and Isabela collected the former Crow for some fun. I was simply enjoying being alive and free.

Hawke moved away from the tents where Isabela had disappeared into, and I followed my love. So many things I wanted to savor now that I was only me again. Halan was the top of the list, so I followed her with a smile.

She stopped though, and turned to face me before I reached her. Feeling a door slam of Fade energy, I was horrified to see her skin crack into veins of the Fade and her eyes glowed like lyrium.

_No, no, this had to be a nightmare! Maker, I want to wake up. __**Now!**_

She, they spoke, and what happened tore my heart as her voice had an echo I'd never heard before, "_**And just how long were you going to lie to me about that damn potion, Anders**_?"

I finished that last step I'd started decades before, dropping to my knees in front of her like a puppet with cut strings. I threw my arms around her and laid my cheek against the metal in her armor.

All that I could think, all that I found myself wailing against her in almost a whisper, "No, no. Maker, no. I wanted to keep you safe from this. You're the only light... my only light... no..."

Everything was ashes, the future destroyed by my actions and my failures. Clutching her still form, I was shaking with my sobs. I expected to die, but Hawke had to lead the other mages into a better future. She had to have everything denied us, everything I could and could not give her.

Not this.

After a few moments, I could feel fingers running over my hair, and looked up at her, my face cold from drying tears. Her blue eyes were only the color of the sky again, though her expression was neutral.

I finally managed to force out some words. "I'm sorry, Halan. I didn't want you associated with it. I want you to be safe. It's ugly and it's cruel, and Maker help me, it's necessary. If I had thought I could convince you to travel to Weisshaupt, I would. Anywhere far from here."

Tracing my cheek, she said sadly, "I know all that, I knew most of it already before I learned the rest from him. What hurt the most is that you don't trust me in this."

I pulled her down to the ground and held her tightly for a moment. Then, holding her face in my hands, I looked in her eyes, praying she looked back. A stray thought reminded me that a part of what had been me was now attached to her soul. Not that I had many secrets from her, but it was a little frightening as well.

All that I could see was that her eyes flickered with sadness, anger, and a trace of fear, all things that Justice never felt except as pure explosions, not this human mix.

Glad and grieving that she still was in there, I better understood how careful Hawke had been with me, with us. I was willing to promise anything to save her, and I meant it.

Without any decision, I yanked her closer for a kiss... in apology or sorrow or need to keep her safe. Laying her head at my neck, I could finally speak. "I trusted you to help all the mages and the misguided who became Templars like Keran, even when this destroyed me. My fate was sealed when I became his host."

"Is it now?" Hawke wondered. "He wasn't ripped out while you lived, leaving you rent. How many, if any, playing host to a spirit might manage to die of old age? Have there ever been other spirits, less angry, who stayed hidden?"

"I don't know, Love. I hadn't found any reports in all these years. Maybe in Tevinter or ancient elven records there are testimonials. Maker help me, there might even be something hidden in the Gallows' archives or somewhere else, as the city was built for Magisters."

Rubbing her back absently, I vowed to myself that I had to do something. My life was already shortened because of my Joining, but...

Taking a deep breath, I had to ask even if I was nearly sure. "What happened?"

Hawke started to look up, but changed her mind and left her head against me, saying in a flat voice, "Collapsing rocks took you down. No mana left, no potions left. I could feel your spirit lifting away. I couldn't... I was about to see if using my blood would give me enough to keep you from dying..."

I tried not to wince, but I could understand the temptation and had no ready answer. So I waited, unsure if I was as glad to be alive, now. After a long moment I told her, "Just to be clear, if it means you deal with demons or blood magic, don't. Maybe I might avoid the Void, but you'd better get to the Maker's side."

Laughing, but not humorously, Hawke said, "Make me. Don't get killed by bloody spiders."

A small smile had somehow come to my lips. "I'll try, Love." Turning her face up, my kiss was tentative, as I feared Justice would interfere, as he had so many other times.

She felt the same to me, and I thanked the Maker for small mercies before prompting her, "And then?"

Her voice stronger, "Another spirit was around us as you were dying, with enough mana to save you. It had more force and personality than the others I've dealt with..." She shuddered and said in a broken voice, "He still called you friend."

Still? After all our arguments and nearly silent fights about distractions and what we should do?

"We had been," I said, now mourning the innocent that Justice had been in Amaranthine. No one else had known him then, knew us now. I knew he'd not seen many of the abuses while under the Warden's wing, and no one took me seriously then, outside combat.

My echoing inside now seemed lonely. I'd been alone for most of my life, and I held them tighter, saying, "I think I'll miss him."

Hawke hugged me tightly as well. "You're not getting rid of me that easily. I meant it when I said for the rest of our lives."

I felt a bit warmer at that even if I wasn't quite as sure which of them said it. I buried my face in her hair and admitted ruefully to myself that she would know everything now, even those things I tried to forget about my past. Even secrets I'd been sworn to keep.

My sorrow was in my voice when I asked, "What will you do about the potion now?" Justice had been absolutely determined for weeks.

Hawke stilled, and I wondered if she was debating with Justice, like I had more frequently in the early years. I didn't see any sign of the spirit.

"We do it as planned."

_- x x -_

_A/N: Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


End file.
